It's such a relief to no longer be stuck in a rat race of being good and keeping rules. The endless worry about whether the music I played might be too modern, if the skirt I wore was slightly too short, and if it was ok for me to see a medical professional for my depression.
The rules controlled my whole life, including my mind. But the rules also brought security. They were a prison that held me in, but they also held me in place.
I was so worried about which rules were right and which ones were wrong. Everywhere I looked I was being judged.
I remember feeling like I would never be able to step away from Fundamentalism. I was terrified that I would be stuck in this cycle forever. It had so much control over my mind.
I don't remember when I realized that it's not about the rules, but it changed my life.
I can never be good enough, only Jesus is. And I can rest in that. I can be free. I can live abundantly. I can serve him from the heart and not worry about judgmental churches and religious systems legislating every aspect of my behavior.
A verse that I clung to when I left IFB was Jesus's statement to his followers. "You will know the truth and the truth will set you free." That verse inspired me to continue searching, knowing that whenever I found the truth, freedom would be waiting for me at the end.
Freedom is that I don't have to use the King James Version to hear God speak to me. Freedom is that I can praise God to Christian music and not worry about God making me have a car accident. Freedom is knowing that modesty is a thing of the heart and that I am not asking to be raped by wearing a pair of shorts.
Freedom is knowing that the Gospel is what binds the whole church together and sometimes it's ok to disagree.
Freedom is knowing that there is nothing more I could do. It is all already done.
If the Son sets you free, you are free indeed.
I am free indeed.
I am Shannon, and I am finally a recovering Fundamentalist.
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